Conflict

Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.
- Ronald Reagan


As a human being, there will always be conflict. Whether you are fighting with your significant other, your family is in a quarrel, or your coworker doesn't help with the workload. Since we have conflict every where we go, we begin to instinctively have a negative attitude towards conflict, without looking at it's benefits. 


Although conflict is often disruptive and destructive, there are silver linings.In his book Love and Conflict, Gibson Winter writes, "Most families today need more honest conflict and less suppression of feeling ... There are obviously roper times and occasions for conflict. No one benefits from the random expression of hostile feelings. There are, however, occasions when these need to emerge ... We cannot find personal intimacy without conflict ... love and conflict are inseparable."  One of the most negative events that can happen in a conflict is when one person begins to bottle up all their emotions. When they begin to keep their thoughts to themselves they turn the conflict into one that will be destructive because all those thoughts and emotions will end up eating that person inside and they will more than likely explode, resulting in unsympathetic word vomit. 

When conflict is dealt with in a positive manner, it can lead to relationship growth. Every relationship has points where they can plateau. With the help of conflict, these relationships can grow through stimulation of interests and curiosity. This also allows room for creativity within the relationship. 

Some key sources of interpersonal conflicts are roadblocks, lack of listening, not being aware of the conflict, and not feeling like there is a support system. Road blocks in an interpersonal relationship include threatening, judging, dominating, and name-calling. When experiencing a conflict, it is best to use fewer of these in order avert the conflict from escalating. I know that when I have something I want to say, it really upsets me even more when that person isn't listening. In order to avoid this, that person could utilize reflective listening skills such as SOLER. This allows the speaker feel that the listener respects them and cares about what they are saying. Being aware of each other's "triggers" is another way to avoid intense conflicts. Every person has those things that will just set them off and if you are able to stay aware of which behaviors trigger the unnecessary negative feelings, then meaningless conflicts can be avoided. Lastly, when someone is going through a hardship in life, if they don't feel supported by the people around them they will often reflect the feelings they have on the people around them. Showing that person that you are there to support them to the best of your ability emotionally and psychologically, with decrease the chances that they will reflect their negative emotions onto you. 

Within the workplace, conflict can have it's way with you and anyone that might be in the same room. Conflict can be the elephant in the room that at first in small and easy to forget, but soon grows and grows until there is no way around it. This effect can lead to hostile environments, lack of drive to go to work, and in extreme cases, resulting in someone quitting their job. A good way to intervene before the worst happens, a manager can become a great mediator or have an outside party come in as a mediator. Mediation is defined as an intervention in a dispute in order to resolve it. In the work place, some conflicts arise because of miscommunication. Someone might think their  coworker doesn't like them because they never talk, but in reality that other person is just really shy. Through mediation, these two people could come the realization that the assumption of harsh feelings was only the result of a misunderstanding. 

This video on Conflict Resolution is here to explain what conflict is and how it can be solved before it becomes destructive. 

References:

Bolton, R. (1986). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts. New York: Simon & Schuster. p. 201.