Conflict

Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.
- Ronald Reagan


As a human being, there will always be conflict. Whether you are fighting with your significant other, your family is in a quarrel, or your coworker doesn't help with the workload. Since we have conflict every where we go, we begin to instinctively have a negative attitude towards conflict, without looking at it's benefits. 


Although conflict is often disruptive and destructive, there are silver linings.In his book Love and Conflict, Gibson Winter writes, "Most families today need more honest conflict and less suppression of feeling ... There are obviously roper times and occasions for conflict. No one benefits from the random expression of hostile feelings. There are, however, occasions when these need to emerge ... We cannot find personal intimacy without conflict ... love and conflict are inseparable."  One of the most negative events that can happen in a conflict is when one person begins to bottle up all their emotions. When they begin to keep their thoughts to themselves they turn the conflict into one that will be destructive because all those thoughts and emotions will end up eating that person inside and they will more than likely explode, resulting in unsympathetic word vomit. 

When conflict is dealt with in a positive manner, it can lead to relationship growth. Every relationship has points where they can plateau. With the help of conflict, these relationships can grow through stimulation of interests and curiosity. This also allows room for creativity within the relationship. 

Some key sources of interpersonal conflicts are roadblocks, lack of listening, not being aware of the conflict, and not feeling like there is a support system. Road blocks in an interpersonal relationship include threatening, judging, dominating, and name-calling. When experiencing a conflict, it is best to use fewer of these in order avert the conflict from escalating. I know that when I have something I want to say, it really upsets me even more when that person isn't listening. In order to avoid this, that person could utilize reflective listening skills such as SOLER. This allows the speaker feel that the listener respects them and cares about what they are saying. Being aware of each other's "triggers" is another way to avoid intense conflicts. Every person has those things that will just set them off and if you are able to stay aware of which behaviors trigger the unnecessary negative feelings, then meaningless conflicts can be avoided. Lastly, when someone is going through a hardship in life, if they don't feel supported by the people around them they will often reflect the feelings they have on the people around them. Showing that person that you are there to support them to the best of your ability emotionally and psychologically, with decrease the chances that they will reflect their negative emotions onto you. 

Within the workplace, conflict can have it's way with you and anyone that might be in the same room. Conflict can be the elephant in the room that at first in small and easy to forget, but soon grows and grows until there is no way around it. This effect can lead to hostile environments, lack of drive to go to work, and in extreme cases, resulting in someone quitting their job. A good way to intervene before the worst happens, a manager can become a great mediator or have an outside party come in as a mediator. Mediation is defined as an intervention in a dispute in order to resolve it. In the work place, some conflicts arise because of miscommunication. Someone might think their  coworker doesn't like them because they never talk, but in reality that other person is just really shy. Through mediation, these two people could come the realization that the assumption of harsh feelings was only the result of a misunderstanding. 

This video on Conflict Resolution is here to explain what conflict is and how it can be solved before it becomes destructive. 

References:

Bolton, R. (1986). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts. New York: Simon & Schuster. p. 201.

Core Conditions of Interpersonal Relations: Carl Rogers

Core Conditions of Interpersonal Relations: Carl Rogers

You meet someone for the first time. They shake your hand and you forget their name because you are looking into their eyes, sensing their sincerity, feeling their grip on your hand, and developing that first impression in just those few seconds. After these first few seconds, you decide to either, communicate further with this person or remain acquaintances. You decide to stay in the conversation and communicate further. This is where the foundation begins to build and a relationship forms. In Robert Bolton’s book People Skills: how to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts, there is a chapter devoted to Carl Rogers and his hypothesis about the three qualities that are essential to constructive communication. I have defined each of the three steps below from the book:

Genuineness: being what one really is without front of façade; being honest and open about one’s feelings, needs, and ideas

Non-possessive Love (unconditional positive regard): accepting, respecting, and supporting another person in a non-paternalistic and freeing way

Empathy: the ability to really see and hear another person and understand him from his perspective (Rogers, 1986)

The list of fields that these qualities relate to is endless; doctors, nurses, teachers, recreational professionals, etc. What is it that all these fields have in common? There has to be that that trust, respect, and with everyone involved. As a recreation professional, I feel these qualities play a large role in the experience that each individual gets out of the program. I have posted a great video that shows how the use of a challenge course provides the environment for these coworkers to learn about each other and establish new foundations that they will take back to the work place.

The Challenge Course at James Island County Park

It is my goal as a recreation professional to provide people with opportunities that will help them grow and all them to overcome fears that they never thought possible. Through the use of Genuineness I will remain myself. I will not put a front or act like someone that I am not. I feel that people are able to see right through that, which in turn hinders their experience. I will accept and respect each individual that I meet. With that in mind, I will do my best to not interfere with the natural growth that is needed (being a helicopter and doing it for them). Last but not least, I will strive to be as empathetic as possible.

Without all three of the qualities together, there is not the spark.

REFERENCES:

Bolton, R. (1986). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts. New York: Simon & Schuster.

The challenge course at James Island County Park: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1BW87pZch0

Personality and Behavioral Inventories

Personality and Behavioral Inventories

If you go to google and type in definition of behavior, you will get this; the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others. On the same page, you type in definition of personality, you will get this; the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character. A behavioral inventory examines how you do what you do and the personality inventory looks into why you do what you do.

Bolton's People Styles Self-Assessment Inventory:

Under Bolton's self-assessment inventory, two key behaviors are described. The first is assertiveness; a person's level of assertiveness is the degree to which his behavior is typically seen by others as being forceful or directive. The second behavior is responsiveness; a person's level of responsiveness is the degree to which she is seen by others as showing her own emotions and demonstrating awareness of the feelings of others (Bolton, 2009).

Behavioral Inventory: Student Behavior Inventory

This test is used by teachers in order to observe the students and share the results with the parents on what the students can improve on and what they do well. The total test is out of 25 points and has five behavior categories: cooperation, attention, organization, completion of assignments, tactfulness. 

How do they relate to Bolton's inventory?

-Similarities?: Both emphasize on behaviors of individuals.
-Differences?: Bolton's assessment can be done by the individual but the student behavior inventory is done by the teacher. Bolton's is used for self awareness and discovering your personal strengths. The student behavior inventory is used for academic purposes and performance in the classroom.

Cost? Access to?: Free online

http://education.ky.gov/CTE/Documents/STUDENTBEHAVIORINVENTORY.pdf 

How are they used?: This behavior inventory is used by a teacher in the classroom in order to document how a student acts in class and then relay the information to the parent. 

Would they be useful for you to use in your future professional careers?  Why or why not?: I believe that this could be useful in my field. There is a possibility that I will ended up working with children through camps and classes. This could be a good way of showing progress and keeping an open line of communication with parents while their child is under my supervision.

Personality Inventory: NEO-PI Inventory 

The NEO-PI inventory is 240 questions that measure the big five personality traits: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness to experience. A shorter version of the test has been created and is called the NEO Five-Factor Inventory.

How do they relate to Bolton's inventory?

-Similarities?: Similarities are that both of the tests can be taken by yourself or can be taken by the people you are surrounded by. They both show the type of person you are around other people.
-Differences?: The NEO PI-R test focuses on personalities (five) and Bolton's self-assessment only focuses on two behaviors. Bolton's self-assessment can be plotted on a graph, for example this would show that not every expressive is the same. Some expressives can be on the amiable side or some can be on the driver side. The NEO PI-R test labels you as one of the five personalities. 

Cost? Access to?: As far as I can tell, the test is free. I have copied the url for the test that I took. I did read that some tests that go to research have to be proctored in order to have control.

http://personality-testing.info/tests/BIG5.php 

How are they used?: The big five test is used as a model of the different personalities in the world of academic psychology. People take this quiz in order to better understand their own self-interests. Many websites, like the one I have listed above, allow users to access them for free and then collect the responses for research. 

Would they be useful for you to use in your future professional careers?  Why or why not?: I feel that this test is more for personal enjoyment and gain. As a person working within the recreation field, emphasizing in community, I won't know personality types. People will not be required to take a personality quiz before they go to an event or gathering. 

References:

Behavior: Adapted from The Pupil Rating Scale Revised by H.R. Myklebust, 1981, NY: 1981
Personality: Goldberg, Lewis R. "The development of markers for the Big-Five factor structure." Psychological assessment 4.1 (1992): 26.